Super Freak

I was cruising right along this morning until I saw a traffic accident notice on one of those highway signs. The sign indicated the accident was 3 miles ahead. It’s a tricky call when I see those signs because at the three mile mark or thereabouts the road splits and goes into the city or north or south. The sign never indicates which road the accident is on and so I have to weigh getting off really early to go through the ‘hood and then through downtown to get back on the northbound road or risking staying with the original plan. I decided to stick with the original plan and ended up sitting with less than a creep for movement for the next 20 minutes. We were stacked up like sardines. Only not as tasty.

Rescue personnel swarmed the area and somehow managed to get to the accident site. The traffic person came on at a news break to talk about the accident and said the dreaded words “possible entrapment”. At that point, I adjusted my air conditioning (what’s up with it being fall and humid as all hell?) and settled in for a long wait.

As I was creeping along, a nutjob in a blue Mercury Sable wagon started yelling at traffic. All 300-400 of us. All of us were stopped because there was an accident not because we decided to break out the tea set. When I say he started yelling, I mean he went off. He hung out of his car like a dog and bellowed. This guy wasn’t just frustrated by the traffic. He was unhinged. Then he started twitching his car this way and that with a bit of laying on of the horn for good measure. Because we should know it was crazy freakazoid and he had to get through.

He kept up the behavior and I got out my phone because I was going to call the state police on him…he was hostile and scary. This is not something I’ve ever considered doing–firing laser beams from my eyes at fellow drivers, yes, but calling the cops on a freak, no. If he had gotten out of his car, I was going to start dialing. The dude was smoking a cigarette and still was out of control. I thought those things were supposed to help you calm the fuck down.

By the time I got to the other end of the bridge and past the accident (no entrapment as it turns out) I had no idea where freakazoid had gone but he was away from me. I was nearly to work when a co-worker called me to warn me about the accident. I told her I was finally less than five minutes from the office and I’d come find her when I got there. Turns out she ended up seeing the crazy freakazoid and he was just as out of control even when he was out of the accident scene. She said he was seriously scary on the road and she considered calling the police but she didn’t know the non-emergency number.

It’s events like this morning where you have to believe in Karma. That dude is going to get his at some point.