I Just Need To Go Home

This morning has started off in brilliant fashion. First some nitwit was wandering around the hallway and attached herself to me, naturally. And, she was a chatty nitwit to boot. A chatty nitwit who spoke nonsense. I really don’t know what shit she was babbling because it became my mission to get her away from me as soon as possible. I did manage to get some facts out of her. She was here for a class (God help the trainer) and was here yesterday but all these rooms don’t look like her training room. Oh really? You were here yesterday? And the reason why these rooms don’t look like your training room is because the rooms on this side of the building are offices and not large expansive training rooms. I told her I didn’t know which room she needed but that I’d try to find someone to help her. Of course, our support staff were off in the bat cave so I said, let’s go look at the board to see where you need to go (straight to hell and would you shut up already). I take her back out to the main entry area and look at the color coded signs that indicate class title, room designation and a GREAT BIG ARROW pointing the way to the classroom. I said you need to go down there and take a right…you know, where the other blue sign is with the other GREAT BIG ARROW. I just walked away. I have no idea what other babbling she was doing because by then the hearing part of my brain had been fried with the constant yammering. I got back to my office hallway, shut the door to the hallway and then pushed my door closed. I sat down at my desk and sipped some hot tea. I got back to work and thought all was OK. You’ve seen enough horror movies to know that I was enjoying a false sense of security.

Drinking tea equals a trip to the bathroom. My mistake. I walked into the Ladies and am knocked over by the stench. But it gets better! Just because I wasn’t having an annoyed enough time of it, someone grunted in the stall. Oh for crying out loud, it’s bad enough you decide to take a dump at work but must you grunt? It’s already offensive enough in the bathroom as it is. We don’t need anymore special effects. I went into a stall, did my thing quickly and without stinking up the place, and as I was tucking in my shirt, I hear someone saying, hello, hello. I know that person isn’t talking to me and furthermore I would have just walked the hell on out had they been talking to me. No, the person was sitting on the can, taking a dump, stinking up the place and talking on the phone.

The first new fangled, no-touch soap dispenser just chirped at me and so I had to go to the other dispenser to get soap to wash my hands. Then the no-touch paper towel wouldn’t work so I had to tap it and then dry my hands with the skimpy little piece of paper. All the no-touch equipment in the world doesn’t mean that you don’t end up having to touch surfaces in a bathroom and at that point in my trip to the bathroom I wasn’t so worried about germs as I was of dying of stink inhalation and revulsion of toilet stall phone usage.