The Screed

I want us to go back to that time when we were nice to each other. We were polite. We cared about our fellow man. We cared about how our actions told people a lot about our character. And, we attempted to make that a message of good.

I’m aware of the irony of wanting niceness and using this particular tenor for this entry. I’m considering it tough love.

If you have kids and you have a partner, spouse, or other family member that lives in the home then here’s some advice…delegation of work. I’m sick and tired of hearing how this adult living in the home or that adult living in the home can’t take off work or lift a finger to help out with the kids. Don’t have kids if there is a snowball’s chance in hell of you getting help at home. Because those of us who have to go to work every day get really tired of hearing how the other adult in your house doesn’t have to miss work but you do every single time. We’re the ones picking up the slack when you aren’t around. Work that out at home and give the rest of us a break. We’re doing the best that we can at work and we’d appreciate the reciprocal. Single parents? You get a hall pass on this one.

People who have forgotten that we live in a society. I’m sick of you too. A society means that there are lots of us and we all have to get the same things done. You are the ones who refuse to move over on the sidewalk. I don’t give a rat’s ass that you and your pack are walking down the sidewalk. I should not have to ALWAYS give in and step into the street or turn sideways or back handspring over your group. Be polite. The sidewalk is for two-way traffic. And that brings me to the putzes at the grocery store. The aisles are just large enough for 2 carts traveling north and south (or east-west) and for foot traffic in between. If you have your cart on the right hand side and you are standing on the left hand side reading the side of a jar of peanuts then get out of the way as traffic comes towards you. It is a jar of peanuts. The contents are peanuts, oil and salt. The sodium content is going to be way more than anyone should eat in one week. Accept this and move out of the way.

If pedestrians are attempting to cross the street, drivers let them. Some cities and towns actually have ordinances that protect pedestrians and crosswalks. If you see an older person, someone with mobility problems or someone carrying a bunch of stuff trying to cross the street, don’t speed up and please don’t pull up right to them and intimidate them. You are just being a jerk.

The lazy drivers who think eating a burger, talking on the phone, yelling at their kids and running late has any bearing on me. I don’t care if you are hungry, have an urgent call from your BFF or your kids are driving you crazy. What I do care about is the fact that you are tailgating me because you couldn’t get your butt out the door fifteen minutes sooner. Your failure to plan should not be my problem but it is. It always is. So, you tailgate and then you pass and then for the love of God, you slow down for no reason. I thought you were in a hurry.

Or better still, you are at the gas station and instead of pulling up to one pump you pull so far ahead as to effectively block the other pump. Why? Because you are lazy and you don’t care that your actions threw off an entire process. Two pumps equals two spaces for cars to refuel. You pull so far ahead and that reduces the station’s capacity by one whole pump. Then the rest of us have to rearrange ourselves so that we deal with your inconsiderate behavior and the process is out of whack for some time. Because you are lazy and inconsiderate.

The other people that make me want to step out of the car and issue smacks upside heads are those of you who have conveniently lost your depth perception. Figure out the dimensions of the hood and trunk of your car. Know where those are in relationship to the driver’s seat and you’ll never have your nose out in traffic or have the ass-end of your car in the traffic lane while the front part of your car is in the turning lane. Both of these actions cause a ripple effect that really messes with the rest of us. Oh and you can actually wait one extra second for a car to pass so you can pull out where there is no immediate traffic. Pulling out in front of that other car causes them to put on the brakes which can in turn screw up the stream of traffic and if not the stream of traffic then you screwed with one person for no reason other than you think you are God’s gift. You aren’t.

And now to wrap this thing up, if you are waiting for an elevator and the elevator arrives at your floor and there are people who are exiting the elevator. Let them. Let them get off the elevator and then you get on. You aren’t going to get to the next floor any faster by rushing the doors. If you are in that much of a hurry, take the stairs.

Be nice. Remember we’re all in this together. You being a jerk doesn’t really move us forward.